'Supernatural Survival Guide'

[roguem]

I stumbeled on a thread on IMDB called the 'Supernatural Survival Guide' and decided to steal it. The ones after nr 22 are my own additions, with some help from beluga and arieschica4590 . It's spoilery, so if you haven't seen the show, stay away.

Supernatural Survival Guide

1. Never, ever take the apple pie, especially if it's "On the house."
2. When someone says a place is haunted, don't go in
3. If your car breaks down on a lonely stretch of road in the middle of the night for no apparent reason, lock your doors and stay in your car until dawn.
4. Always trust young men who claim to be police/detectives/officials of some sort even though they look about ten years too young.
5. Don't cheat on your wife or girlfriend.
6. Check the pilots eyes before getting on a plane.
7. Don't trust strangers who suddenly appear sitting on the side of the road.
8. Don't play "Bloody Mary".
9. If you preach against immorality, practice what you preach.
10. Always be aware of your surroundings.
11. Don't split up.
12. If you run you're obviously gonna trip. 
13. Don't piss off an already angry spirit or ghost 
14. Don't get up into a jacked-up scarecrow's face when it has a hook thing in its hand.
15. Here's another one: if you have a recurring dream about a significant other's death, don't ignore it.
16. Shoot Casper in the face no matter what your brother says
17. Don't kill people- even if no one catches you at it, chances are it's going to come back to haunt you.
18. Don't wish any other people harm cause it might come true.
19. If you see your Doppelganger on the street and its eyes are glowing silver, call the cops. 
20. Always carry a shot gun loaded with Rock salt.
21. Carry a lighter and a some lighting fluid. you know just in case.
22. When camping, make sure to bring pleanty of peanut M&Ms.
23. Keep your hand out of the garbage disposal.
24. Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole.
25. Don't pick up hitch hikers.
26. Always carry flare guns.
27. Don't annoy the psychic, or she'll hit you with a spoon.
28. Be afraid of the dark.
29. Never bring guns with actual bullets into haunted territory.
30. When doing research, use two computers.
31. Make sure you have a trusty sidekick geek boy to do all the research.
32. Not all ghosts are bad.
33. When looking for a doppelganger keep a lookout for puke-inducing piles of slime.
34. Never call a scarecrow 'fugly'.
35. Keep the baby away from the fridge.
36. A pentagram is actually a powerful talisman.
37. The George Foreman infomercial is on at 3 a.m.
38. Ghosts can appear at certain hours of the day.
39. If you're served lots of good food, and then you car breaks down on your way out of town. Stay in the car!
40. Stow the touchy-feely, self-help-yoga crap. It's not helping!
41. Don't piss off the local law enforcement.
42. Get a video camera with night-vision.
43. You have to go back home sometime.
44. Have a code word for your partner if the police are coming.
45. Always carry your cell phone.
46. If someone thinks you look to young to be a cop/marshal/investigator act flattered.
47. Learn how to run credit card scams, and to hustle people at poker and pool.
48. If you're going camping watch out for bear traps.
49. It's not always the freaky kid's fault.
50. If a ghost isn't attacking you, try to listen to what it has to say.
51. Always have a fake identity, so you can cover your tracks. Using the names of old rock stars is a way to go.
52. Always know you have a shower to go to at the end of the day.
53. Know your latin.
54. No chick flick moments.
55. Posing as gay lovers wanting to buy a house works.
56. The freaks come out at night.
57. Listen for E.V.P. (Electronic Voice Phenomena) on recordings.
58. If you're going to use the 'I love kids' thing to hit on a woman, it'd help if you actually knew some kids.
59. When your kid says he's scared of the thing in his closet, give him a 45.
60. When impersonating rangers, do some research.
61. If you get a chance to test a steam shower, do it!
62. Have fire drills.
63. Call daddy.
64. If in trouble, call: 866 907 3235
65. If you think the whole town is in on it, don't go to the local Community College.
66. Trust your brother's visions.
67. Stay away from abandoned asylums.
68. Put a tracking device on your sibling if they're going camping.
69. If more than two people you're related to died in a water related accident, stay away from water.
70. Old walkmans are good for making EMF-meters.
71. The whole Jerry Maguire thing doesn't work anymore.
72. You must cheapen the moment.
73. If given the choice between jail and putting the town in your rearview mirror, say you'll leave, and return just in time to save the day.
74. Be sure to own a suit.
75. A haunted building is not the place for a date.
76. If someone on a plane says 'time flies' restrain them imediatly!
77. Stay away from development project situated on old native american soil.
78. Always carry an EMF-meter.
79. Demons lie.
80. Burn the oldest tree.
81. Make sure your partner gets enough sleep. It's their job to keep your ass alive! So you need them sharp.
82. Turbulence is normal.
83. Lying to your friends about hunting ghosts and demons is probably the smart thing to do, but there is a time to come clean.
84. Freaking out leaves you wide open to demonic posession.
85. Stay away from mirrors if you're responsible for someone's death.
86. When cleansing a house remove all wires from the room.
87. Bugs can kill you.
88. The priest is always involved.
89. Don't lie to an old native american, they'll know.
90. Always have an escape plan.
91. Always check the basement.
92. A gun filled with rock salt won't kill you, but it'll hurt like hell.
93. Exploding eyeballs is probably something supernatural, not a stroke.
94. Shapeshifter's aren't stupid, they choose the good looking one.
95. Stealing cars is okay if you're rushing to save somebody.
96. Always keep and extra mirror handy.
97. If you're burning stuff, start with the heirlooms.
98. Don't even think about putting your feet up on the psychic's table.
99. They're called 'hidden rooms' because they're hidden.
100. Apple pie is not worth it.
      

Okay, time for sleep. Can't be asked to do spell checking. G'night folks.

Comments

[roguem.livejournal.com]

Thank you. :D