Better now

[roguem]

Sorry for rambling in last post.

Just finished watching 'Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back', I have't seen it in ages... years actually. I think it's funny, I like Kevin Smith movies. Have followed Jon Stewart over to 'The Faculty' now. I really like that movie too. Never been a big fan of 'alien-horror-movies', but I really like this one, and Elijah Wood's presence doesn't hurt either. *Sigh*

Coach Willis: You're not much into sports.
Casey: I don't think that a person should run unless he's being chased.
Coach Willis: "Being chased." I like that.

I love that quote, and I totally agree. ;)

'Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back'

Holden: If the buzz is any indicator, that movie's gonna make some huge bank.
Jay: What buzz?
Holden: The Internet buzz.
Jay: What the fuck is the Internet?

Banky: Stop the movie? What are you, crazy?
Jay: All these assholes on the internet are calling us names because of this stupid fucking movie.
Banky: That's what the internet is for. Slandering others anonymously. Stopping the flick isn't gonna stop that.
Jay: This isn't fair. We came to Hollywood, I fell in love. Fuckin', we got shot at, we stole a monkey, and I got punched in the motherfucking nuts by a guy named Cock-Knocker.
Banky: You know what? I feel for you boys, I really do, but Miramax - you know, Miramax Films - paid me a shitload of money for Bluntman and Chronic. So it occurs to me that people badmouthing you on some website, is NONE OF MY FUCKING CONCERN.
Silent Bob: Oh, but I think it is... We had a deal with you, on the comics remember, for likeness rights, and as we're not only the artistic basis, but also obviously the character basis, for your intellectual property, Bluntman and Chronic. When said property was optioned by Miramax Films, you were legally obliged to secure our permission to transfer the concept to another medium. As you failed to do that, Banky, you are in breach of the original contract, ergo you find yourself in a very actionable position.
Jay: Yeah.

Jay: Do they say who's fuckin' playing us in the movie?
Holden: No, but it's Miramax. So I'm sure it'll be Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. They put those guys in a bunch of movies.
Jay: Who?
Holden: You know, those kids from Good Will Hunting?
Jay: You mean that fuckin' movie with Mork from Ork in it?
Holden: Yeah, I wasn't a big fan either... but Affleck was the bomb in "Phantoms".
Jay: Word, bitch, Phantoms like a mallfucker.

Whillenholly: It may not be my way, but damn if there dosn't go one happy family. All right, gang, let's just shoot some tear gas into the diner, and then when the guys come out with the monkey, we'll... Fuckbeans. That was them, wasn't it?

[several security guards, led by Gordon, have suddenly rushed onto the set of Good Will Hunting 2: Hunting Season]
Miramax Studios Security Guard Gordon: Sorry to interrupt sirs, but we've got a 10-07 on our hands.
Matt Damon: [exasperated] Oh Jesus, again Ben?
Ben Affleck: [cocky] No, bullshit, because I wasn't WITH a hooker today, ha-HA!
Miramax Studios Security Guard Gordon: There they are!
Jay: Affleck, you the bomb in "Phantoms", yo!

Miramax Security Guard Gordon: Echo Base, I've got a 10-07: two unauthorized on the lot, requesting backup.
Echo Base: [over Gordon's walkie talkie] I thought that was a 10-82.
Miramax Security Guard Gordon: No sir, a 10-82 is disappearing a dead hooker from Ben Affleck's trailer.
Echo Base: [slightly amused] Oh, that Affleck! Backup on the way...

Holden: Why in God's name would I wanna keep writing about characters whose central preoccupation are weed and dick and fart jokes? I mean, ya gotta grow man. Don't you ever want anything more for yourself? I know this poor hapless son of a bitch does. I look into his sorry doe eyes and I just, I see a man crying out. He's crying out, "When Lord? When the fuck can your servant ditch this foul-mouthed little chucklehead to whom I am a constant victim of his folly, so much so that it prevents him from ever getting to kiss a girl! Fuck! When, Lord when? WHENS GONNA BE MY TIME?"

Jay: What are you trying to say? Just say it already.
Silent Bob: [screams] THE SIGN on the back of the car said "Critters Of HOLLYWOOD", YOU DUMB FUCK!
Jay: Say it, don't spray it.

Jay: Hey, wait a second! Aren't you the guy who fucked the pie!
Jason Biggs: You see! It's never "Hey! You're that guy from Loser" or "Hey you rocked in Boys and Girls." No, it always comes back to that fucking pie! I'm HAUNTED by it!
James Van Der Beek: You put your dick in a pie!

Cock-Knocker: Don't fuck with the Jedi Master, son.

[James Van Der Beek and Jason Biggs are being arrested by mistake]
James Van Der Beek: You've got the wrong guys! Doesn't anyone watch the WB?
Jason Biggs: I'm a teen idol, dammit! Don't you recognize me? Look at me. I'm the pie fucker.
Miramax Studios Security Guard Gordon: [to his buddies] Yeah, well. In prison, he'll be the pie.

Jay: Miramax? I thought they only did classy pictures, like "The Piano" and "The Crying Game".
Brodie: Yeah, but then they made "She's All That" and it went downhill from there.

Hitchhiker: Don't be so suburban. It's the new millennium. Gay, straight... it's all the same.

Whillenholly: Plaschke, this is Willenholly. I need you to get me on the national news, pronto. Why? Because we may very well be dealing with the two most dangerous men on the planet.

[Bluntman and Cock-Knocker are fighting with bongsabers]
Chaka: I think George Lucas gonna sue somebody.

Justice: They didn't really steal the monkey. It was just a diversion so we could steal these.
[showing a bag of stolen diamonds]
Justice: And they're not the leaders of the C.L.I.T. The C.L.I.T is not real.
Whillenholly: No the clit is real. Its the female orgasm that's the myth.

[trying to compose a bad protest song]
Brent: Hey Mr. Science Guy... don't spray that aerosol in my eye... for... for I... I don't really wanna die. I'm a noble rabbit...

[Silent Bob gets stuck in an open sewer pipe]
Jay: Just like Winnie the Pooh.

Justice: If I go to prison will you wait for me?
Jay: Hmm, I don't know. Will you fuck me when you get out?
[Justice kisses him passionately]
Jay: Don't change the subject. Will you fuck me when you get out?
Justice: Snoogans.
[Goes back to kissing Jay]

Whillenholly: The C.L.I.T. is an offshoot of the L.A.B.I.A.
Reg Hartner: Oh, you mean the Liberate Apes Before Imprisoning Apes movement?

Matt Damon: Just take it from "It's a good course."
Ben Affleck: Oh, now you're the director.
Matt Damon: Hey shove it, Bounce-boy. Let's remember who talked who into doing this shit in the first place. Talking me into Dogma was one thing, but this...
Ben Affleck: Hey look, I'm sorry I dragged you away from whatever-gay-serial-killers-who-ride-horses-and-like-to-play-golf-touchy-feely-picture you're supposed to be doing this week.
Matt Damon: I take it you haven't seen Forces of Nature?
Ben Affleck: You're like a child. What've I been telling you? You gotta do the safe picture. Then you can do the art picture. But then sometimes you gotta do the payback picture because your friend says you owe him.
[They both take a beat and look at the camera]
Ben Affleck: And sometimes, you have to go back to the well.
Matt Damon: And sometimes, you do Reindeer Games.
Ben Affleck: See, that's just mean.

Whillenholly: Why are you shooting at me? I'm just a Federal Wildlife Marshall.
Chrissy: Two reasons. One: we're walking, talking, bad girl cliches.
Missy: And two: because you're a man.
Whillenholly: Only on the outside.

Holden: The Internet has given everybody in America a voice. For some reason, everybody decides to use that voice to bitch about movies.

Jay: Man, who the fuck steals a monkey?
[Silent Bob points at the two of them]
Jay: Oh, yeah.

Chaka's Production Assistant: Here's your coffee sir.
Chaka: Did you spit in it?
Chaka's Production Assistant: I didn't spit in it sir.
Chaka: Any boogers in it?
Chaka's Production Assistant: There's no boogers in it sir.
Chaka: You went to film school didn't you? Must piss you off to see a black man runnin' a big old production like this, huh? Went to film school. Does your daddy know you give a nigga his coffee? Must kill him, doesn't it!
Chaka's Production Assistant: There's no boogers in it sir.
Chaka: Then taste it. Taste the booger flavor. I know it's in there!

Shannen Doherty: Fucking Miramax! Cut!
Wes Craven: Shannen, I usually say cut.
Shannen Doherty: A monkey? Wes? Jesus, you're not even trying anymore are you?
Wes Craven: The Market research says that people love monkeys.
[Jay and Silent Bob run in and grab the monkey]
Jay: WE LOVE THIS MONKEY! Do something.
Wes Craven: See?

Jay: So all we's gotta do is stop this fuckin' movie from getting made!
Holden: Yeah, and forego the hundreds of thousands of dollars you would be entitled to in the process. What are you, fucking retarded? I mean, I don't think I'm alone in the world in imagining this flick may be the worst idea since Greedo shooting first. You know it, but... a Jay and Silent Bob movie? Feature length? Who'd pay to see that?
[Holden, Jay, and Bob look into the camera]

Chaka: Dance pie fucker! Damn, these white boys can't fight.

James Van Der Beek: You actually watch that show?
Jay: Yeah, for Joey, man. She is too fine. Did you ever get to 3rd base with her?
James Van Der Beek: Well, actually there was this one time...

Hitchhiker: Don't be so suburban. It's the new millennium. Gay, straight... it's all the same now. There are no more lines.

Jay: You know, maybe one night me and Lunch Box are out we're mackin' some chick and shit, and she's, like, "Ooh, I want to suck youse guys' dicks off," and she's, like, "What your names?" And I'm, like, "Jay and Silent Bob." Reco'nize. And she's like, "Oh, I've read on the Internet that fuckin' youse guys are a couple of little fuckin' jerkoffs." And then she goes and sucks two other guys' dicks off instead. Well, FUCK that.

[believing Jay and Silent Bob to be their stunt doubles]
Jason Biggs: You're doubling me, oviously. I play Bluntman, aka Silent Bill.
James Van Der Beek: Bob.
Jason Biggs: Right. And he's playing Chronic, aka Ray.
James Van Der Beek: Jay. Fuck, Biggs, did you even READ the script?
Jason Biggs: There's a script?
James Van Der Beek: Listen, Potzer!
Jason Biggs: There's a script for this movie?
James Van Der Beek: You wouldn't last A DAY on the Creek. A day.
Jason Biggs: Fuck you and your Dawson's Crap! Go to hell, Pacey! Go to hell!
James Van Der Beek: At least call me by the right fucking character.

Jay: If today is Tuesday and the movie starts filming on Friday we have
[counting his fingers, holds up ten]
Jay: eight days...
Holden: three by my count... but close enough

'The Faculty'

Coach Willis: You're not much into sports.
Casey: I don't think that a person should run unless he's being chased.
Coach Willis: "Being chased." I like that.

Casey: Everyone's been acting really weird, especially the faculty.
Stokely: Tell me about it, it's like they've all turned into fucking pod people or something.
Casey: Into what people?
Stokely: Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Small town gets taken over by aliens... That was a joke.

Casey: You're not buying this, are you?
Stokely: No, I'm not... but it's kinda cool.

Delilah: Casey, when did you become Sigourney Weaver?

Casey: God, you can be such a...
Delilah: What?
Casey: Pretty cool human being when you're not being a first class grade A bitch.
Delilah: Are you hitting on me Casey?
Casey: No. No, I just think that you can be cool. Sometimes. This not being one of them.

Zeke: What are we going to do?
Stan: I could call my dad, he'd know what to do.
Casey: If he's really your dad.

Stokely: Body snatchers is a story somebody made up, dingus. It's located in the fiction section of the library.
Casey: Yeah, so is Schindler's List.

Stokely: Is this usually the point where someone says let's get the fuck outta here?
Stan: Let's get the fuck outta here.

Stokely: So they've just been setting us up over the years with their E.T.'s and their Men In Black movies, just so no one would believe it if it ever happened.
Casey: I think so.

Casey: It must really blow being you.
Stan: You have no idea.

[about Delilah]
Zeke: Is she always this much fun?
Stan: Sometimes she can be a real bitch.

Zeke: Stan, take it.
Stan: No way, you're takin' it!
Casey: [Laughing and obviously high] You're takin' it!
[Stan picks up gun and points it at Casey]
Stan: What the hell is wrong with him?
Zeke: He's tweaking you asshole! Let him fucking tweak!
Casey: Tweak! Tweak!

Miss Burke: Zeke, you cannot conduct personal business on school property.
[Zeke sits down on his car]
Zeke: Well, Miss Burke, we have a problem because I'm sitting on my car and that's my property.
Miss Burke: Well I've been getting complaints from several students that you've sold them mind-altering substances. Now do you wanna talk to me about it, or take it up with Principal Drake?
Zeke: You're too tense, Miss Burke. But I've got just the thing for ya.
Miss Burke: You know, Zeke, I am the authority figure here, it's time you realized that.
Zeke: Helps relief from blockage caused by dietary stress: Chocolate flavored laxatives.
Miss Burke: You know Zeke, if you applied just 5 percent of that intellect to your studies you could've made up your finals last summer and you wouldn't have had to repeat your senior year.
Zeke: Not a chocolate lover, huh? How about this: Condoms. Magnum Sized. And they're cherry flavored. C'mon... they're on me.
Miss Burke: That's so rude.

Zeke: No pain Stan? If you come in here I'll show you some fucking pain!

Casey: If you were going to take over the world, would you blow up the White House 'Independence Day' style, or sneak in through the back door?

[after stabbing the school principal with a pencil]
Coach Willis: I always wanted to do that.

Delilah: You're that geeky Stephen King kid - there's one of you in every school.

Zeke: Just doin' my part for the deconstruction of America.

Zeke: Hello Miss Burke
Miss Burke: Hello sweety pie, What are you looking for?
Zeke: AH, Nothing important. So maybe you changed your mind about the chocolate laxatives?
Miss Burke: Actually I had my heart set on something cherry flavored, if you know what I mean.
Zeke: Sorry I'm all outta those but i have something else for you.
Miss Burke: Yes
Zeke: OH yeah.
Miss Burke: Something tasty?
Zeke: (softly) Let me hook you up.

Zeke: Here take this.
Casey: Now Marybeth.
Zeke: Sniff it.
Casey: You're out of your fucking mind!
Zeke: I'm about to take my chances. I leave for five minutes, and when I come back everyone's a fucking alien. Now, If I have to Men In Black your ass, you're gonna fucking take it!
[Casey sniffs it hasefuly]
Casey: Happy now?

Nurse Harper: I'm saving my sick-days till when I'm feeling better.

Casey: I say we go for the coach. He turned Stan. He's the one. Or do you want to wait for them to come to us?
Marybeth: Either way we're completely unarmed.
Zeke: Maybe not. I might have some more skat. In my trunk.
Casey: In your trunk? In your car? Amongst the aliens? Oh, that's convenient.
Zeke: (Holds up his car keys) You got a better idea?

Zeke: Look, you both take it.
Marybeth: I can't. I'm allergic.
Delilah: Yeah, and I'm Portuguese, so what?

Stokely: You know, you were right about me. I don't have any friends and I like it that way. Being lesbian is just my sense of security.
Marybeth: Security against what?
Stokely: People like you.
Marybeth: Complex!

Nurse Harper: There's not enough drugs in this world.

Gabe: Hey yo, pisswad, you're in my way.
Casey: I'm sorry. I was breathing here.
Gabe: Yeah, that's the problem, you're occupying my air, anal probe.

Delilah: Don't you just love how Stokely accessorize with different shades of black?
Stokely: Fuck you gutter-slut.
Delilah: I don't know why you keep being such a bad example for your people.
Marybeth: What people?
Delilah: I hope you're not a violent lesbian like she is?
Marybeth: No, I'm not aware of any lesbianism in my lineage.
Delilah: That's too bad Stokely, guess you have to keep looking for Ms Right.
Stokely: Bipolar bitch.

Marybeth: [to a pierced student] I really love what you've done with your nose-ring, it really brings out the color in your eyes.

Stan: Coach, I've been thinking ahead, and I've decided to quit the team and concentrate on the academics.
Coach Willis: Okay. Stan we'll miss you.
Stan: That's it?
Coach Willis: What do you want me to say? My star quarterback comes to me the day before we play against the only team in the district that can kick our ass telling me he doesn't want to play. You must be going some life-defying turning point and I'm not gonna stand in your way. You do what you have to do.
Stan: Thanks for not reading me out.
Coach Willis: What kind of human being would I be if I did that?