Sex Letter

TO MY DEAR WIFE:
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.
The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be sleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:

6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move


KEEP READING.......

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TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:
I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:
5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't cum
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TV
Of the times we did get together:

The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.
I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"

The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe....

Sex Letter

TO MY DEAR WIFE:
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.
The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be sleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:

6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move


KEEP READING.......

==========================================================
TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:
I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:
5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't cum
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TV
Of the times we did get together:

The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.
I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"

The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe....

Goin home tomorrow

The story continues... after my last post, yesterday, Beluga came back looking really great. She'd had some highlights put in her hair, and cut it a little. Two thumbs up! :)

We took it easy, went to the local mall before they closed, sent some post-cards. I spent about 12 Euro in Woolsworth, not sure what I bought though, a bra and some scissors, plus some chocolate. Then I went to the store and spent about 12 Euro on German potato chips, I know that's much! But it's so gooood! I would have spent that amount at home sooner or later anyway. ;)

The rest of the day we took it easy. Beluga decided she wanted to watch "Desperado", so I joined her. I didn't really like that movie before either, appreciate it more, now that I've seen "El Mariachi". Kind of curious about "Once upon a time in Mexico", even though everybody I've talked to says it sucks.
When that was finished I said i wanted more action, so we watched "The Replacement Killers", which was so flawed that even a five year old could have spotted the big mistake! We spent the last 20 minutes of it, just mocking everything going on.
We had a little break after that, checked the news online and read a bit. When the parental units eventually went to bed, Beluga and I watched "The Cell". It was special to say the least, kind of funky. The story is very simple, but the visual effects are really good. Lots of good imagery.


This morning we got up early, as usual. Beluga, dad, my aunt, uncle and I went to Flo-markt and had another look around. It was much better this time. Lots to see, lot of junk, but some good stuff among the lot. Beluga found a cool (fake) leather jacket which looked really good. She got it for 5 Euro, she was cold, and needed a jacket, so why not? :) About 5 mins later we found another one, but this one was longer, looked kind of Matrixy. I got it for 5 Euro, I was cold too, plus it fit me rather well. :) Now I just need some dark clothes and sunglasses and I can fly through computer programs. :P

When we got back, we just got ready for a family gathering. My cousin came with her two kids. + Her sister in law with her husband and mother. Kasia's husband dropped by for a sec, but he had to get back to work. I spent most of the time with Kasia's 20 month old daughter, just making sure she didn't bother Ami too much and didn't draw all over the table instead of the paper.

When they all left we were ready for dinner, one of my aunt's mates dropped by to join us.
That's it for today. :) Tomorrow we're getting up really early and goin' on home. Am looking forward to sleeping in my own bed, even though I had a great time down here. Have lots of preparations for my return to London as well. I leave next week, and then it gets serious, have three essays to write and I have to read for my exam as well... But until then I'm just going to enjoy the free-time I've got. ;)

Goin home tomorrow

The story continues... after my last post, yesterday, Beluga came back looking really great. She'd had some highlights put in her hair, and cut it a little. Two thumbs up! :)

We took it easy, went to the local mall before they closed, sent some post-cards. I spent about 12 Euro in Woolsworth, not sure what I bought though, a bra and some scissors, plus some chocolate. Then I went to the store and spent about 12 Euro on German potato chips, I know that's much! But it's so gooood! I would have spent that amount at home sooner or later anyway. ;)

The rest of the day we took it easy. Beluga decided she wanted to watch "Desperado", so I joined her. I didn't really like that movie before either, appreciate it more, now that I've seen "El Mariachi". Kind of curious about "Once upon a time in Mexico", even though everybody I've talked to says it sucks.
When that was finished I said i wanted more action, so we watched "The Replacement Killers", which was so flawed that even a five year old could have spotted the big mistake! We spent the last 20 minutes of it, just mocking everything going on.
We had a little break after that, checked the news online and read a bit. When the parental units eventually went to bed, Beluga and I watched "The Cell". It was special to say the least, kind of funky. The story is very simple, but the visual effects are really good. Lots of good imagery.


This morning we got up early, as usual. Beluga, dad, my aunt, uncle and I went to Flo-markt and had another look around. It was much better this time. Lots to see, lot of junk, but some good stuff among the lot. Beluga found a cool (fake) leather jacket which looked really good. She got it for 5 Euro, she was cold, and needed a jacket, so why not? :) About 5 mins later we found another one, but this one was longer, looked kind of Matrixy. I got it for 5 Euro, I was cold too, plus it fit me rather well. :) Now I just need some dark clothes and sunglasses and I can fly through computer programs. :P

When we got back, we just got ready for a family gathering. My cousin came with her two kids. + Her sister in law with her husband and mother. Kasia's husband dropped by for a sec, but he had to get back to work. I spent most of the time with Kasia's 20 month old daughter, just making sure she didn't bother Ami too much and didn't draw all over the table instead of the paper.

When they all left we were ready for dinner, one of my aunt's mates dropped by to join us.
That's it for today. :) Tomorrow we're getting up really early and goin' on home. Am looking forward to sleeping in my own bed, even though I had a great time down here. Have lots of preparations for my return to London as well. I leave next week, and then it gets serious, have three essays to write and I have to read for my exam as well... But until then I'm just going to enjoy the free-time I've got. ;)